Before I go into how I came across this post, what my personal beliefs on the subject are, or break down the post with what I think about it, allow me to summarize:
The post which I will be reviewing was written, in my opinion, by a spoiled brat whose parents greatly failed her as parents, and has either a guilty conscience or likes to think of herself as a rebel or wild child.
Now. The history behind this post:
Several of my friends and acquaintances have shared a post via Facebook written by some girl about living with her boyfriend before marriage. I was intrigued after about the third time it appeared on my feed, so I opened and was quite disgusted about the entire post.
Time for my favorite part: the break down.
It starts with what could actually be a valid point: the girl writing it claims to be an adult when people ask her about what her parents think about her living with her boyfriend. On the other hand, even as an adult, you should still respect the counsel of your parents and not just assume that, because they do not scold you as a child, they are happy with your decision. My parents let me screw up if I choose to go against their counsel or advice.
Oh! Here’s the part that led me to say that the girl’s parents greatly failed her! She didn’t realize she had to pay bills, that her paychecks could not be spent on cute outfits and purses.
You’re laughing, right? Because, I about died laughing when I read that section. She got a puppy and didn’t realize the poor thing would need more than 4 cups (no, she probably should not have gotten a dog) of food a day. She didn’t realize that food did not magically appear in the fridge or that cars need fuel. (Seriously, did she not have a tv at the very least?!) If she was so sheltered that she did not realize what the real world was like, her parents failed in preparing her to live on her own as an adult which could have done nothing good for her relationship.
The next part had me rolling my eyes at first, and then I realized that there may be more to the story than what she was willing to tell. I have had a few angry tears roll down my face in the spring and summer brought on by little things like not taking out the garbage on time leading to oh my gosh I have to pay the garbage bill soon. If it truly was because she realized she’s not a kid and now has to face responsibilities, then she deserves the eye-rolling.
To say that you cannot get close to or know somebody simply because you’re not living with them says so, so much about you! You are so unimaginative or uncaring that unless somebody is actually in your lap (or bed), you won’t get to know their likes and dislikes, pet-peeves, won’t be able to recognize when something is wrong with them – physically or emotionally – and the list continues. The late night pizza runs and making a fort in the living room (or outside or camping) sound like fun date nights, not something that you can do only if you’re living with somebody. That’s the majority of her rant – listing ways she’s gotten to know her boyfriend because they live together….even though the majority of what she lists are things anyone who is dating someone can find out….or working with someone on shifts 36-48 hours/week. (It got to where I could tell which of my coworkers was sick or getting sick because of how their breathing changed when we had down-time. I could tell you with my eyes closed which guy had entered the room based on footsteps.)
Then, she gives an example of her friend who spent approximately $50,000 on a wedding. It amuses me that so many people try the whole “try it before you buy it” argument as to why they’re living together before marriage and try to say that it leads to lower divorce rates when divorce rates were so much lower in the past when it was culturally unacceptable and worthy of a shotgun wedding to sleep together before marriage, let alone live together before marriage. There’s picture floating around Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. where a young couple asked an older couple who had been married for over 50 years how they managed to make it so long. The older couple responded with something along the lines of “we were raised in a time where if something wasn’t working, you didn’t just throw it out. You fixed it.” That is so much better than “try it before you buy it.” Marriage is work. It’s not all lovey-dovey like Hallmark movies and chick-flicks. If you don’t realize that, or you haven’t been warned about that, then you should NOT be getting married. You need to sit down and talk about things not just assume you can live the exact same way as you did as a child with your parents.
Why is it different to go through hard times when you’re just living with someone rather than when you have vowed to spend your entire life with someone? Is it because if it gets too hard, you can run away easier than if you were married and things got hard?
Now she brings God into the matter, or in her words, “the big guy” which is so incredibly disrespectful! She actually had mentioned sin earlier in the post, but I chose to save that until we got to this part. Humans are the ones who think different sins have different consequences. Humans are the ones who think murdering someone is worse than adultery is worse than fornication. According to God, through Paul, in the book of Romans, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). To God, there is no difference: sin is sin is sin. Having a roommate or housemate in and of itself is not bad. Having a roommate with “benefits” is sexual impurity which, according to God so many times in the Bible, is a sin.
Living with someone does not equal you loving them or showing everyone you love them. Vowing to spend the rest of your life with that someone shows everyone you love them.
She closes with trying to justify what she’s doing by saying she’s happy so nothing else matters. She loves him more because she lives with him and knows so very much about him, and all I can think is “you’re going to get bored.” What’s left to find out when you get married if you’ve been living with them for so long? You might as well just have a courthouse wedding with just your parents if you make so light of marriage. Save yourself $50,000. (I was choking as I wrote that insanely high number. That’s a house! Or two cars!)
You probably have figured out through reading this post that I am not an advocate of living together/sleeping together before marriage. If I were to have a male living in my house, he would be in the spare room, which currently does not have a bed, but sleeping bags are a wonderful thing. My concern would be the appearance of sin, but if a buddy needs a place to crash, I’m not going to turn him away.