My Parents Argued…

. . . and I’m glad they did.

Allow me to explain.

I have read and heard from various sources that when this or that couple got married, they felt awful fighting so much because their parents never fought. They figured they were doing something wrong and wanted to quit the marriage because of it.

Sidenote: I realize mine is likely the last generation to be able to say that some have never seen their parents fighting or arguing due to many, many homes not have both parents. That alone is quite tragic.

To continue. My parents argued in front us, their children. When we enter into a relationship, we know that arguing is going to happen. It still is awful, but it is actually a bit unavoidable – especially, from what I have heard and observed, once marriage happens. When I get married, my husband and I will not wait til the kiddos are in bed or send them outside before we voice our disagreement. Now, we might take a walk or go outside to work out the details, but I would be doing a great disservice to my children to let them grow up thinking that their father and I never fought.

However, my parents never struck at each other in anger. My dad has never ONCE raised his hand against my mom and vice versa.

When I was kind of sort of with this one guy, we fought. At one point, I did realize that it was not normal or right for me to be in tears or anxious every time I knew or thought I was going to see this guy. Unfortunately, I was too cowardly to do anything about it at that time. I thought things would just get better. They did not. One day, I realized something had changed. His whole attitude seemed to have gotten more threatening. One time, I turned and him in what appeared to be an attempt to backhand me. I immediately called my dad for back-up and getting out of that situation. I did not tell him what I had seen and what was going to happen, just that I needed him to make an appearance. Things ended with that male immediately after that incident.

Basically, this post is because I was thinking about a friend of mine who is still with someone who once attempted to hit her, not realizing that she’s pretty strong and would not stand for such a thing. She went back to him after taking a few weeks away because she loves him.

Here’s the thing: she might love him, but if he truly loves her, even alcohol will not cause him to ever think of raising a hand against her. What’s in the heart will eventually come out via words and/or actions.

Hitting the Bullseye

It amazes and amuses me that such a liberal store has a logo commonly associated with guns and hunting – the bullseye.

Let’s look at their history but not the history they have on a timeline on their website.

Since I was little, Target has

* refused to allow the Salvation Army to post buckets and volunteers outside the store collecting funds for those in need.

* been anti-military by penalizing reservists called back to active duty.

* again refused to allow Salvation Army to stand outside their stores after a few years of it being permitted.

* refused to allow a long-retired Marine to be posted at the store collecting Toys for Tots.

* refused to acknowledgment the differences that make each child special by getting rid of anything that could be “controversial” in the toy section as far as is it for boys or girls?

* finally said there are no such things as genders, use whichever bathroom you feel like regardless of how it makes others feel.

One of my friends posted that the probability of a transgender person attacking a person in one of those mixed bathrooms is far less than that transgender person being attacked. So, maybe Target is actually anti-transgender if they are promoting and increasing the chances of a transgender person being attacked? There’s a thought, but I think they are trying to strengthen their liberal stance.

Here’s what they, and all the people bashing Christians and non-Christians who oppose mixed bathrooms are missing: we are not saying or insinuating that the transgender person is going to rape us or our kids. We are saying that this provides an opportunity for a straight pervert to attack us. All that criminal has to do is say, “I was born male but identify more as a female,” and they will be allowed in a bathroom with vulnerable girls of all ages. THAT is why the majority of people are so against Target and others allowing transgenders to use bathrooms for the gender not belonging to their body.

For as often as Target has missed the mark on their corporate policies, they need to either change their name and logo or enlarge that logo so they have a better shot of hitting the bullseye.

 

Postscript: You can read back through my older posts to see what my views are on the gays and such, but since I haven’t specifically covered transgender, here is my very concise thought on it: ┬áTo say that you were born in one gender but were meant to be the opposite is saying that God made a mistake. God does not make mistakes.

Love Yourself

There is a movement on the wonderful world of social media about accepting people – especially girls – regardless of their size or shape. I can get behind that.

What I cannot get behind is the thought that there is nothing wrong with a teenager being over 300 pounds, or a young woman saying that she has curves when she in fact has rolls. There is a difference.

I have not and will not ever be a size 0-4. It is really not genetically possible for me or for my sister. However, that does not keep me from wanting to reach a healthy size to prevent weight-related disease such as CVD, DM, HTN, etc.

So when those posts are glorifying women who are bigger than the stick figures portrayed as the ideal-sized woman, I am glad they’re comfortable in their skin, but I’m also looking at the distribution of their weight thinking, “oh look, there’s a future patient of mine with heart disease.”

It is possible to still have beautiful curves while being healthy. Eating clean, less/no processed foods automatically gives you a jump on good health. Strength conditioning enhances or emphasizes natural curves.

This is not my most well-organized post; I may come back and edit it later to where it makes more sense, but it is important to me that while young women, or not as young women, have a healthy sense of self-confidence, they also realize that they need to have a healthy body.

Curves = good; rolls = bad

Work. Will. Confidence.

For those of you who have not watched The Mighty Ducks triology, first go watch them. Take a break from reading this post and social media. They are classics in the sports genre of movies and were on tv on Saturday afternoons quite often when I was growing up. I actually have two copies of each and watch them on a relatively regular basis. Then come back and finish reading this post.

I’ve always been involved in sports. My siblings were always involved in sports – sometimes different than mine. It became quite clear that while I was really good, I had to work really hard to be good. Natural athleticism did not hit me the way it hit my sister. But! I realized I had a knack for being able to read other players – opponents and teammates – and correctly anticipate the different plays and movements. Several of my coaches realized it and took advantage of that. I wrote plays for my team, for my dad’s team (he was a coach), for the guys’ teams, and later for my teams when I became a coach.

How does this relate to The Mighty Ducks? Patience. I’m getting to that point.

SPOILER: In the second chapter of the Ducks, there were two many players. One of the players offered to not dress for the big game for the good of the team mentioning that they had always known he would make a better coach than a player. In the third chapter, a mantra of sorts was given to the team. END SPOILER.

Work. Will. Confidence.

Those three words were given to the team as something to keep in mind as they worked toward what seemed like a near-impossible-to-win game.

Those three words were given to my girls at our first practice (yes, I gave credit to Mighty Ducks.). Those three words go through my head when I’m designing my fitness programs.

I have actually associated two more words with my fitness programs: goals and progress.

The last week, I have done really great with clean eating! I’m making an effort to actually eat at least two full meals each day (I tend to skip breakfast and really prefer one big meal between lunch and supper to cut down on dishes later.). The only processed food in my house right now is my coffee creamer. The other exception will be Oreos, because, well, Oreos.

I finally became able to actually lift again – this time knowing my limits and remembering that my back is not fully healed. I designed and implemented a program that fits my needs and goal and started it this week. It’s only been three days, but the work out combined with the good eating has me feeling more confident (clothes shopping on Sunday was quite disheartening) in my appearance. My muscles are yelling at me but in a good way. I’m getting more done around the house too – more productive.

The reasoning behind work, will, and confidence are explained in the movie (seriously, go watch them!!!). The reasoning behind goals is pretty simple: I’ve set goals for myself. Right there, I’m focusing on the more superficial one: dropping clothes sizes. I do have other, healthier, goals, but the clothing goal is something I can easily measure and acts as a reward system. Progess is because I need to remind myself that I am making progress. I realize that neuro adaptations happen first. Even though I will be feeling better and stronger, I won’t be seeing any major changes for approximately 6 weeks.

So. Always remembering: Work. Will. Confidence. Goals. Progress.

Hopefully, this served as some sort of motivation for you to not only watch The Mighty Ducks but to also set some goals and keep working towards them.

Reflections

Back in high school, I was one of the larger girls, a size 6-10 depending on the style and part of outfit (larger hips, smaller waist, larger bust). I was very self-conscious surrounded by sizes 0-2. I thought I was huge!

Now, I’m most definitely not a size 6-10. I’ve been going through old pictures and sorting through my dresser drawers to make more space. My brother recently discovered that over the summer, his new job and hobbies around the house caused him to lose enough weight that he can fit into clothes he had in junior high. He was quite happy to gain several more pairs of jeans. (He discovered this as he was cleaning out his closet too.) Realistically, even if I lose inches, I will not be able to fit back into my high school/junior high clothes like he can.

Going through those old pictures, I have determined that the day after a big exam, whether I pass or not, I will be found in the gym every day at some point. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I hate clothes shopping again. I know I’m increasing my risk of cardiovascular disease by living a mostly sedentary life.

That’s not why I’m writing this. I’m writing this because I want to encourage you to not compare yourselves to others. Do not make the same mistakes I did. I realize now I was in really shape in high school – NOT because of my clothing size, but because of my level of physical activity (sports, training, etc. I actually had defined 6-pack abs then.). I spent so much time comparing myself to my peers that I did not enjoy myself.

Now, I’m regretting that. I’m striving to not reach a certain clothing size – after all, they’re different around the world. I’m striving to feel confident again. Not sucking in my gut whenever I’m around other people. Being where I should be physically.

When you look at yourself, do not compare yourself to others. Look back at old pictures of yourself. Are you healthier and confident now? Or do you need to better yourself FOR yourself?